all the dearest will read
This if for all of you who will read. Its kind of in response to Jonathans response about a lack of updating. It's about where I am. I'm not expecting everyone to read the attached document, but if you do, please offer any suggestions. If you feel that your response is going to be too long, send me an email. Thank you all for reading my blog. It means so much that every one of you visits.P.S. This document is actually one of my journals so please don't think it was made to be a actual letter.
Can We Change (pdf)
BTW, is there anyone who reads my blog who I have never met in person? Just curious.
posted by scott @ 8:55 PM
12 Comments:
We really should get together some time soon.
What happens in 4 years and 49 weeks?
I know that you've struggled with the "should I move or should I not" question for some time now. However, it comes to mind, all the times I've ever heard you contemplate this, I've never heard you say "I'm waiting for God to tell me whether I should move away or not." I'm still a baby when it comes to listening to what God is telling me. But I know enough to know that he's always telling me the right way. It's only part of the time that I hear him though.
Lamentations 3:40 - Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.
In other words, our ways will fail, and eventually we will figure that out and take time to listen to what we're being told. I'm glad that you're aware of your faults. That's the biggest part of the struggle. Now, you have to pray for the strength to overcome them. You don't have this strength on your own, so quit trying to find it. Take God's strength, he has plenty to spare.
And, my deep thougths are over.
I have struggled with similar issues. Growing up at the same church that I am now an "adult" in can be difficult. I think that everyone still sees me as a kid/teen and not as someone who can lead. Sometimes I wonder if I were somewhere else, would I be looked at as being a leader and allowed to lead. Yesterday, I realized that it is me that has put that limitation on, well, on God. God can use me anywhere if I only let Him. Being in a "same old place" sometimes feels like a limiting place because we don't see what is around us. We see what we have always seen. Being a Christian and in the church all my life, I have seen the same things with the same "eyes" all my life.
Pastor Debbie's message yesterday was on integrity, allowing ourselves to be put to the light and see if there are any bad spots in us. My initial thoughts, well, I don't drink, smoke, I love God and go to church...what else could there be. God replied back... being luke warm, complacent and limiting Him in using me.
God doesn't need us to physically move 1000 miles to be who He wants us to be. Sometimes it just takes a couple clarifying steps.
Scott, I feel you on several issues. At this point, unfortunately not the whole relational issue with God--that's been gone for a while--but the whole drive to be somebody remarkably different from who I am. Maybe I can be more extravered, comfortable in my own skin, willing to take extreme risks. It's funny, that in terms of where we want to end up, the same sort of location name keeps coming up. I don't know what to tell you; just keep doing your best, and praying. It's funny that the simplest, easiest advice always sounds like a cliche, but oddly enough, it's what seems to work.
And too much is made out of our faults. This is a hindrance to me...if I'm more faithful, I want be so easily wounded, etc. Everyone looks different. Henri Nouwen says in his Sabbatical Journey that he realizes the things he used to struggle with when he was younger, are the very things that plague him still. He realized, that it isn't something bad; it's a unique part of his makeup. And to say, I need to get over this, is completely disregarding the way we tick. I don't feel like I'm making sense right now.
I'll leave you with this quote from Nouwen:
“.....every time there are losses there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression and resentment, or you choose to let these losses be passages to something new, something wider, and deeper”
Disgusting. I just wrote the worlds longest response and lost connection while submitting. I guess it will be said over the phone.
uggh
"God can use me anywhere if I only let Him."
This also puts limits on God, for He works through us at times we are completely unaware.
Change is hard. Even change for the better takes some getting used to, and a change that we feel is not so good . . . well, it can inspire a whole host of negative feelings and attitudes.
The problem is, in order to grow, we have to change. And as much as we might like to stay put, God loves us too much to let us stagnate. So things are going to change whether we like it or not ― we don’t get a choice about that. What we do get to choose is how we respond to change.
We can choose to become angry, bitter, and defeated . . . but why would you want to do that? Disappointment is a part of life, but that’s no reason to wallow in it. Feel it, acknowledge it, pray about it . . . and keep moving. Change happens
Thought i would share these words that i read recently
mom
Scott--just wanted you to know I read your post. May God use these feelings you have to draw him further along the journey.
...to draw you further along on the journey (I'm such a dork!)
Scott, Thank-you for being REAL!
Look again at your last statement on your journal entry. Working on That would need to be the beginning of the change sought.
My kids would tell you that one of my ongoing statements is "There is nothing more exciting than Kingdom Business!"
God does have Kingdom Business for you. Scott. Ask Him...daily...to show you who He wants you to minister to. You will find yourself excitedly looking for who it is!!!!! This also helps develop on ongoing conversation with God, making Him a part of all you do!
Wow. Thank you all soooo much for you comments. A lot more of you read my journal than I thought would. You guys are awesome! Your thoughts were encouraging. The scripture references were perfect.
Richard: We'll meet.
Cara: Your walk/thoughts inspire me.
Toddmishwill: Limiting ourselves is our biggest flaw, because we look at ourselves through our own eyes, not Gods. "What can God possibly do through me?" When we should really be occupying our thoughts with "What is God going to do with me today"
Dan: You and I are so similar it scares me sometimes. We walk the same "not so beaten" path. Funny that you mention Nouwen as he is one of my favorites. Thanks for the great quote.
Jonathandy: Haven't you learned your lesson yet?!? Take some advice from your techie friend. Anytime you are composing anything long/important, especially if its on the web (email/blog/post) do it in another program (shoot even notepad will work) and save frequently. Then copy'n'paste that bad boy.
Richard (2): Excellent quote.
Beauty from ashes: Holy Cow!! My mom has a blog. We think the same. It's impossible for us to change if our response to God is, "Umm, God I want change but I don't want to feel uncomfortable, is that cool? Can it work that way?" Good stuff mom.
Dawn: Thanks for the botched prayer. :) P.S. You are a dork.
Joyce: I wouldn't even have to hear it from your kids. I know that phrase well. I've always appreciated it, more so recently. Thank you for your encouragement and reminder.
I think your "problems" are pretty sweet. I certainly can recall several of those in my own life. Especially, stuttering and fumbling for words...it's comforting to those we're talking to (I think) because it reminds even the most eloquent conversationalist that it is ok to feel nervous and awkward. So, sorry if it's weird and "stuff" but I'm excited about your problems; that you've noticed them, you give a crap about them, and that you are being real in your "continuing salvation."
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